- Tell Me - What to Do !
- Friendship during teenage years can become wonderfully confusing. If jealousy has quietly entered your friendship, don't panic - you are far from alone.
Dear Uncle Fix-It,
Hello. My problem is that I feel extremely jealous whenever my best friend scores more marks than me. I know I am not feeling this way deliberately, but somehow it is affecting the way I behave with her. I don't know how to overcome this feeling.
Once she made fun of my looks and called me fat. Since that day, I started feeling hurt and slowly began hating her a little. Now I feel jealous almost all the time. I also feel insecure because she has started becoming closer to another friend who is one of the toppers of our class. Sometimes I feel that she thinks I am weak in studies, and that is why she prefers spending time with that friend. This makes me feel very unpleasant and lonely.
Please help me. How can I stop comparing myself and focus on my own growth instead?
- Tisha
Dear Lucky,
First of all, let me say something very important:
Jealousy does not automatically make you a bad friend or a bad person.
Human beings compare themselves constantly - marks, looks, popularity, followers, height, skin, clothes, talents, everything! Teenage years especially feel like one giant comparison competition where everybody is secretly measuring themselves against everyone else. So please stop panicking and thinking: "Oh no, I am becoming evil!" No. You are becoming emotionally confused. Big difference.
Your Jealousy Is Not Only About Marks
At first glance, it looks like you are jealous because your friend scores more marks. But actually, your feelings are deeper than that.
Your heart got hurt the day she mocked your appearance.
That comment about your body probably stayed inside your mind much longer than she realized. Sometimes people casually say things and move on, but the other person keeps replaying that moment like a sad background song in a movie.
After that incident, your brain slowly started collecting "proof" that maybe she looks down on you:
"She studies better than me."
"She talks more to toppers."
"She probably thinks I'm not good enough."
See what happened?
Marks became emotional. Friendship became competitive.
The Dangerous Game of Comparison
Comparison is like eating spicy pani puri. One or two may feel exciting. Too much and your brain starts burning.
The problem with comparison is that your brain cheats while doing it.
You compare your weaknesses with somebody else's strengths. That is unfair mathematics. You see her marks, confidence, popularity. But you do not see her fears, insecurities, family pressure, crying moments, or bad days.
Every person is fighting invisible battles. Even toppers. Even confident-looking girls. Even people who post smiling selfies every day.
Also… Your Friend May Not Be Perfect Either
Now let us discuss one slightly uncomfortable truth.
Good friends should not repeatedly make each other feel small.
Maybe your friend did not mean serious harm while joking about your weight. Teenagers often make careless jokes without understanding how deeply words can hurt. But still - your hurt is valid.
Friendship should feel emotionally safe most of the time, not like a constant competition exam.
So instead of silently boiling inside, you may someday calmly tell her:
"That comment actually hurt me more than you realized."
Not dramatically. Not angrily. Just honestly. Sometimes friendships improve after honest conversations. Sometimes they don't. But bottled-up resentment always grows like fungus in a forgotten lunchbox.
Jealousy Is Usually a Hidden Message
Here's a secret: jealousy often tells us what we secretly want for ourselves.
You are not jealous because your friend owns seventeen pet dinosaurs.
You are jealous because you also want:
appreciation, confidence,
good marks, recognition,
emotional security.
So instead of asking: "How do I stop feeling jealous?"
Ask: "What can I improve in my own life?"
That changes jealousy into motivation.
Your Real Competition Is Yesterday's You
School often tricks students into believing life is a giant race. But real growth is much more personal. Suppose:
last month you scored 62,
this month you scored 70.
That matters!
Even if someone else scored 92. A plant does not stop growing just because another plant became taller faster.
Different people bloom differently.
Also remember: Class 10 marks feel like the center of the universe right now. Ten years later, nobody will introduce themselves saying:
"Hello, I am Riya and I scored 94 in chemistry chapter tests."
Life becomes much bigger than school rankings.
The "Focus Shift" Trick
Whenever your brain starts thinking:"She is better than me."
immediately shift the question to: "What is one small thing I can improve today?"
Maybe:
revise one chapter, walk for fitness, drink more water,
sleep better, practice maths,
read 10 pages, talk kindly to yourself.
Tiny improvements quietly rebuild confidence.
Please Stop Attacking Yourself
Lucky, one more thing.
Teenage girls are often incredibly cruel to themselves.
One bad comment about looks suddenly becomes:
"I am ugly."
One lower score becomes:
"I am dumb."
No!
Your worth is much bigger than your weight, marks, or comparison scoreboard.
You are a full human being, not a report card wearing shoes.
Final Fix-It Formula
So here is your new mission:
Stop treating friendship like a competition.
Focus on your personal improvement.
Talk honestly if something hurts you deeply.
Reduce comparison habits.
Celebrate small victories.
Remember that insecurity exaggerates everything.
Build confidence slowly through effort, not jealousy.
And most importantly - stop staring at someone else's garden so much that you forget to water your own plants.
Because trust me, Lucky… your garden can bloom beautifully too.
