The "Friend" Who Isn't Really a Friend

- Tell Me 

What to Do!

- Sometimes the people who trouble us do not look like bullies at first. They smile, call themselves our "friend," and then make us feel scared, trapped, or unhappy. In this week's Dear Uncle Fix It, a reader shares a problem that many children quietly face: a "friendship" that is not really a friendship at all. Let us find out how to deal with such a person in a smart, brave, and cheerful way.

Dear Uncle Fix It,

There is a boy in my class who says he is my friend, but I do not feel that he really is. He keeps forcing himself into my life even when I try to stay away.

If I do not sit with him, play with him, or talk to him, he becomes angry. Then he bullies me. Sometimes he says mean things, teases me, or troubles me in front of other children.

The worst part is that when I try to avoid him, he tells lies about me. He spreads false stories and even makes fake complaints to other people Because of this, some children believe him, and I feel very upset and helpless.

I do not want to keep this forced friendship anymore, but I do not know what to do. How can I stop him from troubling me and protect myself from his lies?

-  Harsh Shah

Dear Harsh,

First of all, take a deep breath and remember this very important truth:

You do not have to be friends with someone who makes you feel unhappy, frightened, or trapped. A real friend is like a warm cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day- kind, comforting, and sweet. A fake friend is like a shoe with a stone inside. It may look fine from outside, but it keeps hurting you every step of the way! From what you have written, this boy is not behaving like a friend at all. He is behaving like a bully. The good news is that you are not helpless. You can deal with this situation step by step.

Step 1: Stop Thinking It Is Your Fault

Bullies are very clever at making others feel guilty. They want you to think:

"Maybe I am doing something wrong."

But you are not.

Wanting space, choosing your own friends, and saying "no" are completely normal. You are allowed to decide who you spend time with.

Step 2: Give a Calm and Clear Message

The next time he tries to force himself on you, do not shout or argue. Bullies often enjoy that.

Instead, speak calmly and firmly. You can say:

"I do not want to do this." "I want to spend time with other people." "Please stop troubling me."

Imagine that you are a superhero using an invisible shield. Your voice is calm, your face is steady, and your words are clear.

No drama. No fighting. Just a strong, simple message.

Step 3: Stay With Your Team

Bullies usually bother children when they are alone. So try to stay with good friends, classmates, cousins, or teammates. Think of yourself as being part of a cricket team. Even the best batsman feels stronger when the whole team is standing behind him! 

Sit with people you trust. Walk with them during recess. If the bully comes near, it becomes harder for him to trouble you.

Step 4: Keep a Secret "Truth Diary"

Since he is telling lies about you, start keeping a small notebook. Every time something happens, write:

What he did

What he said

When it happened

Who saw it

For example:

"Tuesday, lunch break. He told others that I stole his pen. Rohan and Arjun were there."

This is your "Truth Diary." It is like collecting clues in a detective story. If you need to talk to a teacher or parent later, you will remember exactly what happened.

Step 5: Tell a Trusted Adult

Many children stay silent because they think telling is "complaining." But there is a big difference between complaining and asking for help. Complaining is: "He got two chocolates and I got one!"

Asking for help is: "Someone is hurting me, scaring me, or lying about me."

Please tell a trusted adult- your parent, class teacher, school counsellor, older sibling, or another grown-up you trust. You do not have to solve this all alone. You can even say:

"There is a boy who is forcing me to be his friend. When I try to stay away, he bullies me and spreads lies. I need help."

That is brave, not weak.

Step 6: Do Not Try to "Win" by  Lying Back

When someone spreads lies, it is tempting to spread lies too. But that only makes the problem bigger.

Instead, stay calm, tell the truth, and let your good behaviour speak for you.

Most people slowly discover who is honest and who is not.

Remember: mud thrown at a clean shirt may make a mess for a while, but a good wash makes the shirt clean again. The mud does not stay forever.

Step 7: Keep Doing Things That Make You Happy

Bullies want you to feel small and scared. Do not let them steal your smile.

Keep playing, drawing, reading, dancing, cycling, or doing whatever you love.

Spend more time with people who make you laugh and feel safe.

Every time you choose happiness and confidence, you become stronger- and the bully becomes weaker.

So here is your mission, Agent Harsh:

1. Say "no" calmly.

2. Stay with good friends.

3. Keep your Truth Diary.

4. Tell a trusted adult.

5. Remember that you deserve real friends.

And one last thing: you are not alone. Many children go through this, but with courage and support, they come out stronger than before.

A true friend should make your world brighter, not darker.

And I know that very soon, you will find the kind of friends who make you feel safe, happy, and wonderfully yourself.